Two Sides to Every Coin
by PPP SSC
Summary: Milhouse at 16 discovers he's bisexual, but he tells his parents only half the truth. He tells Bart and Lisa, but Bart betrays his trust. Then a series of dramatic events ensues. Rated T for realistic teen issues.
1. Two Sides to Attraction

Two Sides to Every Coin

Milhouse van Houten had always grown up knowing there were two sides to every coin. In his family, he had a father who displayed the side of helplessness and uncertainty, and a mother who displayed the side of feelings unbridled by the thoughts and customs of others. In an effort to hide his own pain, young Milhouse had put up with everything they had to complain about. He thought it was lucky of him that his parents had separated, because whenever they were together two sides of a new coin were shown: either they fought like lions and hyenas out in the African savannah, or they were so inclined inward by their own lust that Milhouse felt he was invisible. But all he really wanted was for his parents to love each other and him, in a three-part family that was meant to be for the last seventeen years, back when he was conceived.

The love and devotion given to Milhouse varied from week to week and from parent to parent. His mother had no money qualms but was easily distracted. His father doted on him too much for his budget out of trying to distract himself from the pain of being without the love in his life. He had always known there were two sides to every coin.

But the real revelation happened that day. He walked into his mother's car, thinking to himself, _why am I getting a ride? All my classmates have cars… _He didn't mean that, really, but when so many things have gone wrong in your life, how would you know the difference?

"Now remember, Milhouse," his mother said, "Don't do anything to make the teachers yell at you, don't do anything to anger the bullies, and don't do anything to put down other students!"

"I know, I know," he said, while trying to stop his mother from straightening his hair. And out he walked. Springfield High was vibrant with character, just ten minutes before class. He ran into his two best friends, Bart and Lisa Simpson on the way to class.

"Hey Milhouse!" said Lisa, while waving her hand. "I'll see you in math class!"

"Yeah," Milhouse said while blushing. The undying crush he had on Lisa, the undying love had lasted for more than six years. Hormone growth had caused him to shy, and Lisa assumed the crush was a phase, but not for Milhouse.

Milhouse was taking pre-calculus as a junior; Lisa as a freshman. Bart was jealous because he was still in the second year of prerequisite math. He never said so explicitly, that he was jealous of Lisa and Milhouse; he would always call them nerds. And nerds they were in the world of math students. But Bart would not back down. It was just one failure, and he could make it up to the third year in no time. Except every time he thought this way he was pounded by the fear that math was boring. He didn't know how boring math could possibly be until he reached the high school level. He had always known it was boring, but this was something more.

And that was another two-sided coin Milhouse saw. His two best friends, the Simpson siblings were so different he couldn't tell they were related. Bart was a rebellious youngster, always being suspended in the short term, never getting his homework in on time, and always skipping class. Lisa was the perfect, 4.0 student, (would have been 4.3 if the school had A+ grades) continually getting good comments from teachers on her essays. Milhouse was stuck in the middle, his 3.2 GPA making him look stupid compared to the majority of the people who shared classes with him, who he had to remember were the smallest demographic in the school. This WAS Springfield, after all.

The bell rang and that meant it was time for gym. Milhouse had never been very good at gym class. But today he decided to overcome some of his shyness and get dressed outside of the bathroom stall, just in the main body of the locker room. He caught a glimpse of Bart in his underwear and looked awestruck. _Oh my god, _he thought, _I'm ATTRACTED to him. Calm down, Milhouse, it's just hormones. And they can cause anything to happen._

"Milhouse," Bart said looking down, "Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Milhouse thought, _Aw, crap. _He went into the bathroom stall anyway. This was definitely NOT his day to be confident. Blushing terribly, he continued to think to himself, his heart racing out of a mixture between horny pleasure and devastating fear. _I can't be gay… I just can't. I love Lisa! Lisa makes me feel the exact same way. I'm sure it was just a passing arousal, and it will go away._

"Milhouse, come on!" Bart said. Milhouse was not ready to come on out. He was still thinking. "We'll be late!"

The attraction Milhouse had to Bart did not go away. For the entire rest of the gym class he was hit with balls, ran into by sprinters who could naturally run faster than he, and chastised by Mr. Pierce for not doing his calisthenics, all because he was thinking about Bart. And in math class he was once again distracted by Lisa.

"Oh my god," he said out loud without even noticing. His teacher, Mrs. Abercrombie yelled at him.

"Milhouse van Houten, if you want to make a scene, go to the counselor's office."

"Yes, ma'am," he said sheepishly, as he walked out of the classroom and ran down to his counselor's office. The counselor's name was Mr. Kirsch. He was a mellow and caring man, and he knew Milhouse well.

"Milhouse," he said, "Is there something you want to talk to me about?"

"Yes, sir…" he muttered, "You see, lately, I've been a little confused. I've always thought I was completely straight, not strings attached, but today I felt something about one of my male friends, that I had never felt before.

"Well, I had felt it before. In one of my female friends. And I don't know what to make of this."

Mr. Kirsch laughed. "Milhouse, your issue is obvious. You're bisexual."

"I'm… wha-what?" Milhouse asked, with a look of surprise on his face.

"You know, you want boys AND girls, you can't just pick one?" he said in jest.

Milhouse shook his head around. "No way, those are the people that get all the attention. There is no way I'm one, and even if I am, how will people know I'm not just posing to get girls?"

"They won't, necessarily, Milhouse. But you aren't lying to yourself. If you are attracted to boys and girls, you're bisexual. Plain and simple."

"No…" said Milhouse, "I can't be."

"You don't have to make it public right away, Milhouse. You can start by telling your closest friends and then maybe your parents…"

"No!" Milhouse shouted, "My parents would never understand, and they'd always blame the other one for making me this way…"

Mr. Kirsch patted him on the shoulder, and then said, "Don't worry too much about it, Milhouse."

Milhouse walked out of Mr. Kirsch's office with new information about how to deal with his issue. And tomorrow, he would tell Bart and Lisa.


	2. Two Sides to Acceptance

"Bart," Milhouse began, looking intently at the eyes of his friend. _There are two possibilities: he will accept me for_ _who I am, or he will reject me for this trait. _"If I was different in some way, would you still like me?" Milhouse pushed his fingertips against each other and gritted his teeth nervously.

"If YOU were DIFFERENT?" Bart said, with his eyes widening, and then he started laughing. Offended, Milhouse put his clenched fists on his sides. "You're so dull you make cloudy days look vibrant!" He kept laughing and fell on the floor, rolling around helplessly.

Milhouse humphed indignantly, "It's not funny, Bart!"

Getting up, Bart wiped a tear from his eyes and settled down, breathing unevenly while saying, "I'm sorry, Milhouse. What do you mean by different?"

"I'm… I'm…" he stammered and then said quickly, "I'm bisexual."

Bart covered his trembling lip with his hand as his laughter spouted out again. "YOU? BISEXUAL? That's a little quirky for you, dork-o-tron."

"Oh, grow up, Bart…" Milhouse said, rolling his eyes, "You're a JUNIOR in high school. Stop acting like you're nine years old."

"I came up with that one when I was ten, Milhouse, and you know it," he said, while still laughing. "But seriously, now, you expect me to believe YOU'RE BISEXUAL? I think you're just trying to cover up the fact that you have some really lame reason that you're different that you don't want me to hear about… like that you still listen to Britney Spears or something like that?"

"I'm actually partial to Fall Out Boy, myself…" Milhouse said calmly. "But seriously, Bart, I AM bisexual. Remember yesterday in gym class?"

"Hey," Bart said, "Boners… they sometimes just happen randomly, you know?"

"But it wasn't just that, Bart. I WAS attracted to you. The same way I've always been attracted to Lisa."

"It's okay, Milhouse, I'll always stick up for you, to the bitter end."

"I'm not ready to be out about this, Bart. So promise me you won't tell anyone!" Milhouse asked while blushing.

Bart patted Milhouse on the shoulder affectionately and said, "Hey, we've been best friends forever. I won't betray you."

"That's good to know," Milhouse said. Now it was time to tell Lisa. Milhouse walked to math class awkwardly and sat in the seat right next to Lisa.

"Hey," she said, "What happened yesterday?"

Noticing that, as usual, he and she were three minutes early, he thought it was safe to tell her. "Okay, so Lisa… I know you're super-liberal and will probably accept me for this but don't mind if I'm shy about it." He then said, with his breath uneven, "I'm bisexual."

Lisa said, "Oh my god! You're BISEXUAL?! So that means that you _like guys?_ And would still _be interested in dating ME?"_

"Uh… yeah," said Milhouse, not realizing what was going on. "Is that bad?"

"Not at all, Milhouse," Lisa said, with her arm around him. "How about dinner and a movie on Friday night?"

Milhouse's high-prescription glasses lenses fogged up. "Uhh… yeah, are you asking me out?"

"Of course I am," she said, "Bisexual guys are so hot."

"Okay, Lisa," Milhouse said, "But you have to promise that you won't tell anyone!"

"I promise…" said Lisa, "I know the kind of stigma you guys face."

Class started soon afterward, and Mrs. Abercrombie was distracted from her lecture twice due to Lisa trying to make a move on Milhouse. "Miss Simpson, if you don't stop this behavior, I'm sending you to the principal's office."

Lisa giggled ever slightly, and looked behind at Milhouse before returning to her work. That evening, Bart and Lisa were so excited they ran up to their rooms, talking with only each other, hoping that their little seven-year-old sister wasn't listening in. Just as luck would have it, she was.

"Who are you talking about?" she asked as she walked to the door.

"It's none of your business, Meg," Lisa said.

"My name is Peggy now, if you don't mind!" she shouted.

Bart sighed in exasperation. "You and I never had this much difficulty, Lis."

"This week alone, she's called herself Maggie, Peg, Meg, Margo, Margaret, Magpie, Marge's Messiah, Mahatma Margaret, and Lisa Jr.! And now she's changing to Peggy?" said an annoyed Lisa.

"Who are you talking about?" she demanded, "I'm as smart as you, Lisa. And Mom and Dad told me when I was a baby YOU got to hear in these kinds of discussions."

"But you're only seven," Lisa complained, "I was eight."

"Oh wow, ONE year! I'm SO shocked. Just tell me already!" 'Peggy' asked, with her hands on her hips. "One of these days, Lisa, Principal Skinner is going to FORGET about you when I outshine the two of you combined. Well, with Bart there's not much to combine, I'll admit."

"Okay fine, Peggy…" said Bart, "We'll tell you. Milhouse made us promise not to, but I guess, seeing as how you're a little kid it doesn't actually matter. Milhouse is bisexual. I was surprised because he is so boring and that's kinda weird, and now Lisa is totally hot for him!"

'Peggy' looked confused, while giggling. "Milhouse? You mean the teen king of bor_ing_? Wow. I didn't think he had it in him."

"I didn't either!" Bart said, "But maybe it was for the best. But, Peggy, you can't tell ANYONE!"

"I won't. And I have confidence Lisa won't either. YOU, on the other hand…"

"Ay, carumba! How much to I have to do to convince you that a promise is a promise? I said I wouldn't tell anyone, and so I won't."

"You already broke that promise by telling me."

"PEGGY! That doesn't count."

"By the way, my name is now Heir of Wayland."

"It's WAYLON, punk!" said an irritated Lisa, "And don't think that my interest in Malibu Stacy really dwindled that much in six years. That position still belongs to me, MAG-GIE!"

Maggie started crying. She left the room screaming, "I hate you, Lisa."

"Just four more years…" Lisa said, still irritated.

Lisa went to bed at around 10:00, five hours after finishing her fine four-page Honors English essay assigned that day, which she started ten minutes after returning home from school. Bart went to bed at around 2:30, after finishing his sub-par science report, assigned a week and a half ago, that he started at around 10:00 PM that night. In Milhouse's home, he always went to bed at about 11:00, or maybe a little earlier, after finishing his B-grade art project three hours ago, which he started after dinner.

He was always stuck in the middle of the two sides of the coins, but now he had his own two sides to worry about. The real question was how to deal with this to his parents.


	3. Two Sides to Betrayal

Milhouse walked downstairs into the living room of his house. His mother was getting off the phone with her latest fling, Leonardo di Orodello, saying casually, "Oh, I'll see you in Rio, baby! No, Milhouse still doesn't have a girlfriend, but I'm sure he'll find one while I'm gone… well, you have to be optimistic. I mean he DID get SOME genes from me… bye, Leo!"

"Uh… mom?" Milhouse asked, "I've come to a conclusion."

"That's good, Milhouse. For a moment, I thought you might be questioning yourself forever, and… well it's OBVIOUS you're straight, right?"

"Uh… yeah…" Milhouse lied while shifting his eyes, "Anyway, I have a date with Lisa Simpson on Friday night so I was wondering if I could borrow your car."

"Milhouse, you don't have a license!" she said angrily with her hands on her hips. "I'll just leave you money for a cab. I'm going to Rio with Leonardo for a couple of weeks, so you'll be in charge of the house…" she said, while taking her suitcase out. Ever since he turned 13, his mother had left on these excursions all too often. Milhouse was too much of a stick-in-the-mud to cause the ruckus of drugs, sex, and alcohol that the other kids his age would have done immediately in the absence of their parents. Milhouse unhappily walked to his father's apartment complex, the one he was about to be evicted from… again.

He knocked on the door, and his father answered. "Hi, Milhouse. Do you need something?" he asked. Milhouse went inside.

"Dad, I'm through with questioning. And I've come to the conclusion that… I'm gay."

His dad looked at him and said, "Good for you, son. Women are mysteries but you always know what another man is thinking. And don't let anyone tell you this is wrong. It's just part of what makes you special."

_Special_, thought Milhouse, _that's for those kids like Ralph Wiggum who have to stay with one teacher all day even in high school. I'm just different._

That Friday, Milhouse was in his mother's house, fixing his tuxedo. There were two options: either Lisa would find him stunning or realize the mistake she had made. The doorbell rang. It was Lisa. She was wearing a beautiful dress, and sparkling high-heeled shoes. She was carrying a bouquet. She handed the bouquet to Milhouse and said, "Hey, let's go. Where's your car?"

"Well, uhh…" Milhouse said honestly, "I don't have a license. But I'm going to call a cab."

"A cab… well, I suppose it's fine," Lisa said. They waited for the cab. When it arrived the driver took them to the restaurant. Lisa ordered the vegetarian quiche and Milhouse ordered the mushroom sirloin. Lisa looked at Milhouse's dinner, and said, "You know maybe you should go vegetarian."

"Well, I mean, it's fine for you, Lisa," Milhouse started, "But humans are omnivorous by nature, so I think I should eat meat as well."

Lisa sighed. Once again, she had missed the opportunity to convert someone into a vegetarian. When the check came, Milhouse paid it in full with some of the cash left by his mother.

They then rode the cab to the movie theater. The film being showed was called _The Land of the Peach People_. It was a "documentary" but Milhouse and Lisa both agreed that peach people could not exist. People only came in yellow and brown and that was common knowledge. The next stop was going to be Lisa's house, but then she asked, "Your mother isn't home, is she?"

"She's in Rio," said Milhouse while blushing, "But don't get me wrong, I'm a very good boy."

Lisa moved her fingers across his shirt and said, "When you want to be, you can be a naughty boy too."

Milhouse was thinking about all of this. Taking away a fourteen-year-old's virginity was not on his good to-do-list. But it was _Lisa. _And she was asking _him._ Milhouse thought about it and then decided it was for the best.

"Take us to the Van Houten residence," Milhouse said, "This is important."

The cab driver took Milhouse and Lisa to his house, where they walked up to his mother's bedroom. At first they turned on the light and started kissing. Then, Lisa put her hand on Milhouse's chest. Blushing, Milhouse unhooked the straps of Lisa's dress and pulled it off. Lisa responded by taking off his shirt. Lisa removed her bra, and the two began making out again.

Milhouse looked Lisa in the eyes, at the young woman the girl of his childhood crush had grown into, as the two rolled onto the bed. Milhouse undid his fly, and pulled down his pants. "Damn, I know I'm gonna regret this," he said, "But now it just feels so right…" and then… it happened.

Milhouse had taken away someone's virginity, and had lost his own, all in the same night, way too early in his life. And the pure straight-A student like Lisa Simpson would never be able to live this down. But it was Milhouse whose conscience stung the most. The next morning, Lisa woke up in a daze, realizing she never checked in, and that her parents would kill her for being out past curfew—especially if they found out what she did that night.

She ran home, hoping that nobody would notice. But Milhouse was very ashamed of himself. "You lusting man-whore!" he shouted at himself in the mirror. "She was a KID! God, a little FRESHMAN! I wish what I told my dad HAD been true, because then I wouldn't have to deal with this. And if she becomes pregnant? MY FAULT!"

Lisa reached home, saw her parents standing in the driveway, and said, "Mom, Dad… I can explain!"

Her dad said, "Explain nothing! You were sleeping with that boy!"

Lisa blushed sheepishly and started to cry.

Her mom patted her and said, "Lisa, everyone makes mistakes."

"Everyone except LISA!" shouted her father, drunkenly. "Now, Lisa, you need to go to your room. You are not permitted to leave this house except for school for the rest of the year!"

"But… but…" Lisa said while still crying.

Her mom turned around and said, "Homie, don't you think you're being a little too hard on her?"

"Hard, nothing! You should've heard what Flanders did when he found out Todd had access to internet porn."

"I'll tell you what, Lisa…" said her mom, "If you aren't pregnant, we'll ground you for nine months—that way you'll get the same effect, and if you ARE pregnant, we'll just let that punish you."

"Couldn't I just get an abortion?" Lisa asked.

"Are you kidding? We live next door to NED FLANDERS. And there's no way he'll ever speak to us again if you do."

That day, Lisa got herself tested for pregnancy. She wasn't pregnant, which she sighed in relief about.

The following Monday, Milhouse came to school, and heard some snickers. Nelson walked up to him and said, "Hey look, it's Buffet-line Boy."

"Excuse me?" Milhouse asked.

"Oh, you know, you have to sample guys and girls alike."

Milhouse blushed and said, "What makes you think that?"

"Bart told me."

"BART!" Milhouse yelled out, incensed. The twins Sherri and Terri were giggling about it amongst themselves. Martin Prince looked at Milhouse longingly. Rod Flanders deliberately alienated him.

"Well, I didn't tell EVERYBODY…" Bart said, "I only told Nelson, and he told everyone else."

"You betrayed me Bart!" Milhouse shouted.

"You mean like you did me when you slept with Lisa? She isn't allowed to leave the house for nine months thanks to you." Bart responded.

Milhouse blushed and said, "But… Lisa told me it was okay. I was trying to dissuade her. I knew I'd regret it, I just knew it. But…"

Lisa came over and said, "It wasn't your fault, Milhouse. I pressured you."

Bart slapped himself in the face and then said, "There goes a perfectly good justification."

Milhouse, feeling a split between being betrayed by his best friend and betraying his girlfriend, looked dejectedly at his feet, and morosely walked to gym class. An erection was not likely today.


	4. Two Sides to Reconciliation

When Milhouse walked into the library the next day, he was astonished to find Lisa. "Lisa… but… I thought you were grounded… for a long time," he said rubbing his legs together, "Because of me…"

Lisa started laughing. "Get this… my dad forgot about the entire thing! And my mom decided to just let it slide."

"Well, I can't say your dad is the MOST attentive person on the planet," he said, laughing, "But I'm honestly surprised that your mom didn't throw a fit about it."

Lisa took her books and got up, saying to Milhouse, "Well, it was YOU… Mom KNOWS you would feel too guilty to ever try THAT again…"

"But you _asked _me…" Milhouse insisted, "I wasn't even the one who enacted the situation originally. So… since you're not grounded, how about we go on a nice, free of sex, date?"

"I'm sorry, Milhouse," Lisa said, "But we can't."

"Why… why not?" asked the astonished Milhouse falling heartbrokenly to the ground.

Lisa turned her head and said, "I won't date you unless you reconcile with Bart."

"But, Lisa! He betrayed _me._ I'm still waiting for him to apologize. There is no way I'm going to reconcile first."

"Bart needs your friendship. You're the only friend he has; everyone else either teases him or is not good enough for him… so you need to patch up with Bart."

Milhouse was stuck choosing between dating the love of his life and continuing to hold out for Bart to admit that he was wrong. He came to the consensus that stubbornness did not outweigh true love, and so he walked over to the place he thought he was most likely to find Bart—Shelli's Pub.

Once it had been an establishment owned by a remarkably talented albeit monkey-faced, short-tempered, and clinically depressed man by the name of Moe Szyslak; but he had mysteriously vanished four years ago, leaving no heir to his work. But the young woman, Shelli Gaize, was beautiful, cheerful, and kind but _did not have the slightest idea how to run a bar. _That was how Bart managed to get in every time.

Milhouse casually walked in and hoped the police weren't watching, because every time he got involved with Bart's illegal schemes one of them was caught. Usually, both of them were caught, but Milhouse was let go on the account that he was not the ringleader. "What'll it be for you, cutie?" Shelli asked from behind the counter, winking.

"I don't drink…" Milhouse said, "Because it's _illegal _for _teenagers_ like _me and Bart _to drink."

That remark, despite the emphasis, flew right over Shelli's head. She asked again, "What'll it be for you, cutie?"

Bart looked over from his glass of whiskey, and said, "Hey, it's the guy who doesn't want to talk to me."

"Yeah, well you see… Lisa said she didn't want anything to do with me unless I reconciled with you, so… I'm sorry I was acting like a jerk."

"Apology accepted…" Bart said casually and then went back to drinking his whiskey.

Milhouse looked angry. "Well?" he asked.

Bart said, "Well, what?"

"You need to apologize, TOO, Bart."

Bart, now drunk, jumped on top of Milhouse and shouted, "I have nothing to apologize for!"

"You certainly do. You OUTED me! And to think I trusted you…" Milhouse said, now angrily rolling on top of Bart.

Bart shouted, "You know what? You took away my sister's virginity after you PROMISED you'd wait until you got married. Rod RECORDED it on VIDEO."

"Rod is just one of those evangelical MORONS! I had to say that or else he would hate me forever… which he already does, considering you told him of my perverted thoughts…" Milhouse complained.

Bart looked angry. "Okay, at first I was just mad at you for having sex with Lisa and being all emo about me outing you, but now, it's personal. You do NOT, under any circumstances, call my next door neighbor a moron, just because he believes in Jesus and your GIRLFRIEND doesn't!"

Milhouse said, "But Bart… your sister is my girlfriend. And she says that that branch of Christianity is…"

"Do NOT insult my next door neighbor, okay?"

Milhouse narrowed his eyes, "Bart, why are you taking his side over mine? We've been best friends for years, and now you're siding with ROD just because he's your _next door neighbor?"_

"That and, Rod, being a GOOD Christian boy, did NOT sleep with my fourteen year old sister," Bart said, "Although, you obviously don't have your priorities straight."

Shelli looked at the fight and said, "I'm sorry, Bart, but I'm going to have to cut you off."

"Can I just have ONE more glass of whiskey, Shelli?" he asked with puppy dog eyes.

Shelli said, "Oh, how can I say no to a face like that?" as she went to get some more whiskey.

Milhouse was determined. "Bart, you will apologize for outing me."

Bart said in response, "Only if you apologize to me for sleeping with Lisa and insulting Rod."

"Why do you care so much about Rod, Bart? Don't tell me YOU believe in that sort of thing…"

"And so what if I do? Mr. Flanders was ALWAYS a better parent than either mine or yours, and do you know why? Because he taught his kids good faith, which always has a negative connotation in the media run by people like Lisa the Booger Brain."

"Booger Brain? Seriously? That's even more immature than dork-o-tron!"

"Don't think just because you're not a virgin you're more 'mature' than me. Mark my words, Milhouse van Houten, one of these days it's going to stab you in the back." Bart said as he started drinking his whiskey once more.

Milhouse said shyly, as he walked out the door, "I'm sorry, Bart; I'm sorry, Lisa; and I'm sorry to you too, Rod."

Bart appeared behind him and said, "I forgive you."

The two of them quickly hugged, and Milhouse said, "Thanks, Bart."

Bart quickly added, "Oh yeah, and I'm sorry I told Nelson. He threatened to beat me up if I didn't give him any dirt on someone, and you know how the football players are…"

"Nelson doesn't play football, Bart. He's on the wrestling team," Milhouse said while smiling.

"Only a loser like you would know or care…" Bart said as the two walked away from the scene.

Shelli looked up from the bar and said, "Hey, were those two… teenagers? Oh, well…" Then she went to sleep. But then the regular barflies walked in, including Homer Simpson.

"Give me a beer, Moe…" he said.

"For the 7000th time, Moe is gone! I'm Shelli!" she said, but then regained her composure and said, "So Bart told me that your daughter had sex with his friend."

Homer, now remembering what had happened earlier, shouted, "What!?" and fell over. Then he forgot again.

The next day, Milhouse confronted Lisa and with Bart. Lisa responded, "Did you guys get in a big fight?"

"You shoulda been there, Lisa! There was blood on the wall and everything!" Bart exaggerated.

"No," Milhouse said, trying not to draw attention to himself. He saw Martin Prince come up from behind him carrying a bouquet. "And, no, I don't want to date you!"

"Aww…" Martin frowned. "But I'm JUST as smart as Lisa, why not?"

"Because you're so lame you make Milhouse look cool," Bart said, with a snarky expression.

Martin left, crying and said, "That's why I thought I would have a chance…"

Milhouse tried to patch things up with Rod, who still refused to speak to him. "Umm… Rod?" he asked.

"Get away from me," Rod said, "I don't need your kind around me…"

Milhouse looked back at him and said, "You know, Bart made me feel bad about insulting your religion… so, don't make me regret the apology I made."

"I'm not talking about… your… preference (or lack thereof). I'm talking about… Lisa."

Milhouse blushed, "How… how… did you find out about that?"

"She told me. We ARE neighbors. According to the Bible, sex outside of marriage is a sin."

"But…" Milhouse said. Rod turned around and glared at Milhouse.

He shrugged and said, "I guess the word of god means nothing to you." He started to cry softly.

Milhouse was now stuck once more. He had gotten Bart to come to terms with him and Lisa to like him again, but Rod still hated him, and he didn't know how to fix the problem. And his problems would only compound later that afternoon.


End file.
